


Stay High ( Hippie Sabotage )

by madhatterslullaby



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Croatoan/Endverse, Episode: s05e04 The End, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-11
Updated: 2015-07-11
Packaged: 2018-04-08 20:52:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,123
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4320261
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/madhatterslullaby/pseuds/madhatterslullaby
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is how the world ends. Its the year 2014 - August to be precise, Castiel has fallen in every way shape and form; he's hapless and hopeless and there are chemicals in his bloodstream, a soul near his heart and his righteous man has gone and left in his place is a fearless leader who doesn't give a damn about him. Castiel stays high throughout the end of the world and when his brother comes to claim the empty shell of his lover, he see's for the first time the scars they both shared.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Stay High ( Hippie Sabotage )

**Author's Note:**

> Title taken from Tove Lo's song - Stay high ( hippie sabotage remix )  
> References from Tove Lo's song - Habits ( stay high ) and Ed Sheeran's song Bloodstream.
> 
> This fic has been sat on my computer for a while now and wasn't going to be published as I wrote it whilst slightly intoxicated, but I edited it ( sober ) and thought I'd share. Enjoy!

__

"You're becoming a hippie" Dean had said slipping off his boots next to his propped up semi-automatic, Castiel was sitting on the window ledge of a long abandoned hospital smoking a blunt so pungent it gave him headache.

"I like the buzz" Castiel stated as he peered out at the decimated city below, he could feel Dean watching him, admiring him as bitter wind swept under his long dark bangs, Castiel didn't mind the staring.

"I'm surprise you feel anything, I remember a time it took a liquor store to get you tipsy", the shuffle of feet against fabric could be heard, Dean was settling himself into the hospital bed they had found in one of the rooms as they came in, they had wheeled into the only airtight room on the floor and scoured for blankets and drugs, "I'm not what I used to be" Castiel said in a tone void of emotion "I know, Cas" Dean breathed, Cas took another sharp drag of the blunt and closed his eyes desperately trying to fill the void left by his grace and sense of self-worth.

Time seemed to saunter by with each puff, the room filled with soft breathing and the sound of leaves colliding in the trees outside the window, Castiel liked being alone with Dean in moments like this; feeling the aura of their profound bond fill dilapidated rooms and blanket them in togetherness. It was in moments like these where he truly felt safe.

"Cas?" Dean grunted, Castiel could hear the underlying tone of exhaustion in the muffled noise; he exhaled gently before turning his attention to Dean "Yeah?", "Put that shit out and come to bed" Dean's arm was extended out onto the empty space next to him which was just big enough to comfortably fit Castiel's malnourished frame.

Wafting the smoke out of the window and brushing himself down, Cas closed the window and placed the board in front of it before joining Dean amongst the hospital sheets. It was nice to have a proper bed for once after many months of sleeping on the ground or in large disused pipes. The hospital room felt safe, the two men having barricaded themselves in to protect them during the night- Dean and Cas rarely slept on the same schedule, most nights they were forced to take turns sleeping and keeping guard.

"Do you still dream?" Cas asked amongst a yawn, it was a bizarre question but Dean had brought back memories in mentioning the liquor store incidents, Cas hadn't dream-walked in years and he had almost forgotten about the times he used to watch Dean's dreams like a human would a TV show and wish that he could snap his fingers and make them all come true.

Dean used to dream about family, usually with Lisa and Ben at the park or with another past lover named Cassie, they would take long strolls to the lake in the evenings pushing a stroller with a golden retriever barking ahead, in other scenarios it was thanksgiving dinner with either one of the lovers and Sam with a blonde haired girl Cas had never met – Something told him her name was along the lines of Jade or Jess.

In 2012 Dean's dreams stopped being about Family and turned dark, Castiel knew they weren't nightmares; he learned pretty quick that Dean's dreams were a reflection of his inner feelings, the dreams Dean were having made clear to Castiel that his hopes for the future were bleak.

"Do I still dream?" He reiterated "Yeah- though sometimes I wish I didn't, why?" Castiel snuggled into him wrapping an arm around his waist "Curiosity, nostalgia... just because", Dean planted a kiss on Castiel's forehead before adjusting and settling to sleep.

__

Dean touched Cas for the first time in 2012, it was new year's day and whilst the world was still shattering, the three of them managed to find fireworks and alcohol and decided that one last celebration was needed. They weren't alone in their celebrating – the population of the US was still in the millions, people were scared and uncertain of what the future had to bring although many had come to the realisation that it wasn't going to be good, many people celebrated the beginning of the end.

The Croatoan virus was becoming increasingly difficult for the government to handle, the epidemic would wipe half the world's population in months as healthcare systems failed and doctors and nurses contracted the virus from their patients.

"Are you sure we should be doing this, lighting fireworks?" Sam said as Dean removed the box from the trunk "We could attract the infected" Dean had looked between Sam and Cas, Sam's face held concern unlike Castiel's which held a stoic expression "Booze, Fireworks and a slaying? Sounds like a good way to bring in the end of the world" Dean forced a burst of laughter "Hell all that's missing is a bunch of busty Asian beauties and it'd be perfect" Sam had looked to Cas giving him a look that said "You tell him" But Cas had just shrugged, they were going to die at some point in the near future with his angelic abilities depleting it wouldn't be long before he was something that resembled mortal and no longer able to protect any of them, so why not enjoy themselves before they met their demise?

Dean and Sam had set the fireworks in place, Dean chucked Cas a bottle before settling beside him on the hood of the Impala, they clinked their bottles together succeeded by Dean yelling "Light 'em up Sammy" and then the swoosh of fireworks shooting into the air could be heard followed by the bang and crackle of light in the night sky.

In was ten minutes before the infected came scattering out of the woods, Dean nudged Cas off the hood before pulling out his machete, the bullets had to last them.

It was the slaying from a movie, metal meeting flesh like a knife through cake sending filling into the air in their violent celebration, it was over as quickly as it started and Sam, Dean and Cas regrouped on the hood clinking beer bottles once again "Perfect " Dean had chuckled.

Removing the Croat guts wasn't really a task; it was more of a case of trying to find an open motel whilst trying not to get chunks on Baby's leather seats.

The way the virus was contracted would change quickly over the years; it would go from needing to be administered intravenously in large concentrations to requiring a small droplet entering a small scratch. Fortunately for the three of them they need not worry about contracting the virus from their bloody interaction this time. They had a worse fate up ahead.

After a good hour and a half they found an open motel, the place hadn't had customers for a few months but the owner's had ran the place for a long time and were determined to stay open through the end of the world. The three of them shared a double room; there was a sofa bed in there also which Cas volunteered to sleep on being the smallest of the three.

They took advantage of the free rooms in the motel, none of the doors were locked so the three of them could enter and use the showers without having to wait. Sam kept his shower short, having not slept much over the past three days his aching body was craving a mattress to bed down on, when he had changed into a fresh set of clothes he climbed into bed, reveling in the crisp sheets and the comfortable mattress.

Dean returned just in time to say goodnight before Sam fell into a much needed deep sleep. Castiel had taken the opportunity to relax in the hot water and painful water pressure, he ran his long pale fingers over his shoulders, reaching for the wings that used to be and finding in their place a set of paralysed limbs so bald and battered that they would no longer be classed as wings. The despair Castiel felt, the sense of being alone in a land he didn't belong to overwhelmed him and he sank to the floor in defeat. He wanted to pray, to beg his brothers and sisters to take him home but instead sobbed quietly and longed for the day when he didn't have to feel a damn thing.

He hadn't expected Dean to be awake when he returned to the room; he noticed the sofa bed already pulled out and made up ready for him to climb into "You sure you don't mind sleeping on that thing? You can have the bed if you prefer, I doubt I'll be doing much sleeping" something in Dean's tone hinted that he was planning to stay awake and watch over Sam, much like Castiel had once watched over Dean whilst he slept back in his angelic days.

Dean had been Sam's guardian angel for the majority of his life, the boy with the demon blood who was considered an abomination in heaven had never been permitted a guardian angel of his own, and so like many of the vital roles in Sam's life, Dean took on that role instead.

"I'm certain Dean" Cas said locking the door behind him and placed his belongings into his duffle, he could feel Dean watching him idly through heavy lids "Will you try to rest?" Castiel asked "Yeah I will try Cas I promise".

The two of them climbed under the duvets and Dean turned the light off. Heavy breathing filled the room along with an exhausted silence.

Sometime later Cas was startled awake by something he wasn't quite certain of, Castiel had never dreampt before but he had was certain he had just experienced his first dream.

Cas sat up rubbing his eyes before scanning the room, the lamp was on and Dean was sat up right with his head against the headboard and his arms folded across his chest, he was watching Cas out of one tired eye "Dean?" Cas questioned "Why are you awake?" the question was intended rhetorically but Dean answered anyway "You were saying my name- I thought you needed me." Cas gave him a confused head tilt "I was...Dreaming...I think." Dean contorted his eyebrows "You think?" Cas shrugged "I've never had a dream, I have nothing to compare it to" Dean nodded "Dreaming of me." Dean said more to himself than Cas "I don't recall what happened", "It's normal" Dean said "Not remembering your dreams don't worry." He smiled reassuringly "I do remember somethings" Cas said after a bout of silence "Yeah?", "You were leaving me... it felt permanent, I felt pain?" Dean stared blankly at Cas "Leaving you?" Cas nodded a hint of distress creeping across his face "Everybody leaves, Everybody dies" He half spoke half whispered, Castiel had emerged from his first dream startled and vulnerable, Dean recalled Sam waking up from dreams scared and disorientated when he was small, he would call out for Dean with a voice that threatened tears. Castiel was in the process of becoming mortal, he was going through the stages.

Dean hopped out of bed and over to Castiel, he hesitated before pulling Cas into a hug "Family don't end in blood Cas and you've seen how I treat my family, leaving isn't an option." Dean isn't entirely sure about his choice of words as they leave his mouth, Cas stopped feeling like family long ago, stopped feeling like a brother anyway. But Dean would still die for Castiel which in Dean's eyes made them family by his own definition of it and yet branding him his brother felt mismatched. But right then family was the only word that fit and so that was the word he used.

As they part from the hug, Cas spared a glance at the sleeping Sam "We have a long day ahead of us, we should rest." Dean nods glancing at his watch, it had been four hours since he had said goodnight to Sam, and it was all Dean needed most days "You won't sleep." Cas stated with a slight eye roll "Probably not, but you should" He give Cas a slap on the shoulder before he gets up to leave "Dean?" Cas says suddenly "Yeah", Cas ponders over his words before responding, he tugs at a loose thread on his blanket as he speaks "Perhaps if you're not going to sleep, then you could...watch over me?" He was aware that Dean found the 'I'll watch over you' thing creepy, but he needed this and was hopeful Dean would put aside his disdain. "Watch over you?" Dean chuckled "I always do."

Daylight came a few hours later.

Sam had already left to find groceries some time earlier; Dean was sat at the table drinking coffee examining a map planning their route. Whilst on route to Sioux Falls they had learned Chuck had joined a team somewhere in the red zone. Sam, Dean and Cas had decided to take a detour in order to find him and his group and bring them somewhere safe.

Somewhere.

"Sam's getting groceries – we'll move out in two hours." Dean looked at him before returning to the map "How'd you sleep?" Cas had slept without disturbance and by the looks of him Dean hadn't slept a wink more, he was alert and restless. "I slept well. Is this where we're heading" Cas said pouring himself some coffee as he peered over Dean's shoulder at the map "Yeah, there's underground piping, we can use it to get to the centre without being spotted" Cas nodded "Unless they're in the pipes" Dean ignored his comment.

"Have any more dreams about me?" Dean joked, Cas shook his head "Well that's good the last thing you need is me ruining your beauty sleep" Cas gave him a hard stare, he wanted so desperately to tell Dean to stop thinking so low of himself that he couldn't ruin Castiel's anything, his dreams or his life. But instead he diverted the topic onto Dean's dreams, the ones Castiel remembered from a time when Dean was still angry but all in all content with his life, "Do you still dream about them?"

Dean took a sip of his coffee and shifted uncomfortably in his seat "You shouldn't snoop inside my head Cas- believe me." Cas ignored his statement "There's nothing wrong with wanting to be happy Dean" Dean huffed "Do you?" Cas asked once again, "No Cas I don't, hell I'm just glad they're safe- that they don't have to go through hell for my mistakes", "I failed you Dean, the mistake is mine." Dean narrowed his eyes "I didn't reach you in time, I should have saved you but I failed." Dean shook his head "I should have held out longer, shouldn't have let Alistair tempt me" The discussion was pointless; would have, should have, could have's would not stop the apocalypse now.

"I know you expect me to let you down" Dean said after a moment "It's a habit of mine, letting the people I love most down" Cas narrowed his eyes "Dean-" but Dean interjected "You don't need to deny it Cas but you need to know that I will try to save us all from my mistakes or whoever's mistake this is, I'll try to save the world from the Devil, one way or another" Cas placed his cup down on the table and reached for Dean's hand.

Sam came in moments; the two of them quickly moved their hands to their respected sides of the table. "I got...stuff." Sam said placing the brown bag on the counter top "They didn't really have much" Sam reached into the bag and held up a packet of Twinkies "Delicious" Dean said with an eye roll "It really is the end of the world now."

_

The plan to recover Chuck and his group had gone swimmingly, it was almost too easy.

"Risa" the woman said shaking Dean's hand, "I never thought we'd get out of there" Chuck was saying to Sam "They were everywhere we were totally cornered." Sam laughed "You have four bullets and a half eaten sandwich; there was no way you were getting out of there without us"

Cas sat back from the group, his people skills were still rusty and he much preferred to keep guard. "We're heading to Bobby's" Dean said as he approached him "The rest of the group are going to stay in town and then we'll figure out are next step" Cas nodded, Dean turned and signalled for the team to catch up.

"You good?" Dean asked when he turned around "Yeah" Cas replied "They seem nice" he bobbed his head in the group's direction Dean shrugged "yeah" He glanced around "We're not far out, let's get a move on, stay close"

It was ten pm when they got to Bobby's, "Does the water still work?" Dean had asked as he got through the door, Dean called dibs on the shower and headed up before anyone of them could protest, Bobby served them cobbler in the meantime.

Unbeknownst to all of them, Sam and Dean would part ways by the end of the week "We should pick a hemisphere" Sam would say and Dean would let him leave.

"Alright Sam, you can have the shower" Cas yawned, "You can have the sofa or the spare bedroom" Bobby said "But I snore like a chainsaw if you chose the sofa." Cas looked to Dean neither of them wanted to listen to Bobby snore "Is the old pull out still in there? I could sleep on the sofa" Dean suggested "You take the bed?", "Where will Sam sleep?" Dean pointed to the ceiling "Bobby's old room." Bobby wheeled round them "You know where the blankets are" Dean picked up the remaining plate from the table "You got any liquor?" He asked to which Bobby responded with a snicker "What kind of idjit question is that?"

Cas left and made his way to the north bedroom, the room was naked apart from a double bed in the far corner pressed against the wall, there was a window next to it with no curtains and a pull out sofa in the opposite corner, it was battered with a large hole exposing the springs in the cushion.

Castiel climbed into the bed, there was a draft wafting through the window which sent shivers up his body, Cas snuggled into the duvet and closed his eyes. Dean followed ten minutes later with a bottle of whiskey in his hand.

The bed pulled out easily with a sharp creak "Sorry" He whispered loudly "The sofa down stairs maybe more comfortable" Castiel said having slept on many sofa's in his short human life he had come to appreciate a comfortable sofa, they were usually the ones that we're a good couple of years old, but not too old and worn, Bobby's living room sofa was exactly that. "You want rid of me Cas?" Dean disappeared from the room to fetch the blankets from the cupboard at the end of the hallway.

Moments later Dean returned to set up the blankets before settling down in an upright position, he had the bottle of whiskey in his hand and was pouring the liquid down is throat like water down a pipe. Sleeping was a difficult task for most people, the infected were known to break into homes and attack people in their sleep, but Dean had more than just that to worry about.

The Devil was seeking Sam, Michael was seeking Dean and Castiel was useless, Dean worried about all of it. How he was going to protect his brother, get heaven off his back and protect his friend who by his own words was a "Baby in a trench coat" without his angelic powers.

Cas knew how this would end, he just didn't want to believe it. They would all die in one shape or form. Dean wanted to save them; it kept him awake at night searching for a way. But the righteous man was still human and humans need to sleep, the whiskey subdued him into his dreamland where ever it may be.

From the other side of the room Cas listened to the splashing of the liquid against the glass, it was futile to worry Cas thought to himself, his life was too short.

"We're going to die" He said softly into the still air of the room, he could see the silhouette of Dean moving the bottle from his mouth "Cas?" Dean questioned, Cas propped himself up against the metal frame behind his head pushing the duvet to his waist "I'm just saying that we are likely to die soon, the odds are against us." Cas paused expecting Dean to protest but continued when he remained silent "It would be a shame to die having not being honest with one another, Dean" Dean took a gulp from the bottle, Castiel decided to leave the conversation there, they could have the night to think about it.

"What is it?" Dean asked after a moment "Be honest." He snapped "Like you said, don't go quiet on me" Cas sighed, it was typical of Dean to think the worst even though he knew the truth, he never believed he was worth the good things in life – the things he wanted.

"I love you. Dean..." Cas said slowly, he felt the embarrassment crawl up his neck with a hot flush, Dean remained silent and Cas wished he had confessed his love in the presence of a light source.

"And you've been sitting on this for how long?" Dean said slightly gobsmacked "You remember Zachariah sending me back to 'bible camp' as you called it, it was then when I started to fall for you, literally and in the romantic sense" Dean gasped incredulously, "Sonofabitch"

"Yes, well now you know so... goodnight." Cas pulled up the duvet and settled his head against the pillow hoping to fall asleep quickly. "I do too" Dean said as he placed the whiskey bottle on the floor and scooted himself off the creaky sofa bed "I never thought you'd feel the same way back, didn't think you cared." He sat at Castiel's feet and Cas sat up to face him "You don't think your worth loving" Cas pointed out. Dean couldn't argue so instead he cupped Castiel's face in his hands and planted a delicate kiss.

Cas wrapped his arms around Dean's neck bringing himself closer for a round of desperate kisses, cursed or not he'd have him, his righteous man.

__

Morning came sooner than either of them wanted.

They were both desperate to stay in the hospital bed boxed away from the harsh world, but the camp needed the drugs and they had yet to find food so they were forced to rise and return to the camp.

Cas removed the board and open the window, the crisp morning air replacing the old used air of the night "Have we got any coffee left?" Cas asked as he lit the blunt "Yeah I think so" Dean dropped the duffle on the bed as he searched for the flask "It'll be cold though" but Cas didn't mind, he liked cold coffee in the morning with a strong blunt and a breeze that made him shiver. It made him feel alive.

Dean drank water from his flask and ate a protein bar from the camping store they had found on the way into the town, it had been wiped clean bar a few protein bars "Oh man this is disgusting" Dean spluttered "I miss real food." He said forcing down the bar and chasing it with a gulp of water.

Castiel chuckled from the window ledge "That's why I smoke" and Dean scoffed "Yeah you smoke that crap and it gives you the munchies or worse." Dean was referring to the panic attack he had over the water well back at the camp, Castiel had been convinced the infected were hiding in the well waiting to attack them in their sleep.

Castiel had put it down to a tainted batch and scarfed down a hand full of Xanax to calm himself down.

"Put some pants on" Dean said packing his stuff away having finished the protein bar. Cas extended his legs up the wall a gust of air passed through his toes and he smiled at the feeling "No pants is better." Cas replied "The infected would chomp on those chicken legs in a minute" Dean said watching the smile break across Cas's face, Dean couldn't resist taking in the view of Castiel in a ratty grey shirt with the buttons undone at the top exposing his bony rib cage and a set of black boxers at the bottom.

"You should go without pants more often." Castiel said flicking the remaining end of his blunt out the window and sliding off the windowsill, he walked over to Dean feeling loose in his shoulder muscles and fluid in his mind, he was in the clouds once again.

Dean caught him as he fell into his chest and giggled uncontrollably "I keep falling for you Dean Winchester" Cas pressed his finger into Dean's chest "My righteous man" Cas giggled.

Dean rolled his eyes leading Cas to the bed so he could make a start on the barricade they had placed on the door.

"You know, this isn't exactly what I had in mind when I said get the stick out your ass." Cas giggled as Dean moved furniture away from the exit "You can put it back in if you like" he rolled over onto his stomach "Drink some water" Dean huffed trying to hide a smirk.

_

"We need to go further" Chase said "We've scavenged every last inch of this town, bled it dry." He glanced around the semi-circle of people "We should expand, five miles at first just to be on the safe side." Everyone at the camp had hoped this day would never come; having to expand further into uncharted territory was risky.

"Dean, Cas you guys can't be out there doing your own thing, we're stronger as a team." Dean had shot a disappointed look at Cas, they had enjoyed getting away from camp for some alone time together, the town had a lot of nice hotels they could take advantage of under the guise they were going to top up supplies.

They could be as loud as they wanted, as violent as they wanted unlike at the camp with the thin cabin walls and twitchy trauma survivors.

"Not a problem" Dean replied "we should head out first thing in the morning, start scoping the place out and clearing paths." Chase nodded; Cas noticed the tension radiate out of him like he'd been expecting more of a fight.

"We're going to have to find a new playground" Cas said as they marched their way back to Cas' cabin "Yeah well it's going to have to wait till we clear the place, who knows how long that will take." Dean entered the cabin first taking his shoes off at the door making space for Cas to follow.

"We'll just have to make do with quiet boring sex until then." Cas said planting a kiss "You couldn't be quiet if you tried, I'll have to smother you with the pillow again" Cas kissed his neck "I don't recall you doing this." Dean pulled him in closer.

Secretly Dean preferred the gentle sex, he loved taking Cas apart slowly piece by piece and finishing him off with a shattering orgasm, but Cas seemed to enjoy the rough sex more and Dean couldn't get enough of Cas's face all pink and desperate.

Cas liked to be thrown against walls and fucked from behind, liked it when Dean grazed his teeth along his neck and nibbled his ears. The more filthy the dirty talk the harder he came and slapping his ass was never enough, he wanted Dean in his mouth forcing him to nestle his cock deep within his throat before using his hair to yank his head back leaving a thick trail of saliva connecting them. A good slap across the face would break the connection and Cas would look up at Dean with his eyes so blue and lustful.

But Dean preferred to nurture him with soft kisses along his inner thighs, teasing his nipples with the tip of his tongue, showing him delicately how much he needed him, wanted him cursed or not.

The world falling apart around them didn't matter, all they needed was a little food a little water and each other's company.

_

Everything changed when Chase died.

The camp had been up and running for almost a year, they had found vehicles and weaponry and had recovered the stock of a couple of old superstores. The camp was like a well-oiled machine, everyone had their job and knew where they needed to be.

Cas and Dean were Scavengers with a group of other people, Chase had orchestrated the majority of the runs and would often consult Dean if he needed help.

Chase basically ran the camp, his family had owned the cabins before the world went to shit and he had welcomed Chuck and his group to stay. Cas and Dean had remained at Bobby's until the infected broke in, they would help out where they could helping gather food and building more cabins for the growing congregation.

Bobby used his expertise to help build water wells amongst other contraptions in the camp.

Chase was a natural born leader. Dean had mentioned to Cas on multiple occasions that Chase was the true righteous man, the one who symbolised humanity. Cas had given him a cheesy line about how he wasn't his righteous man and Dean had let it go.

Chase died on a Monday and Dean was to blame.

Dean had expressed concern over Castiel's coping methods, see Castiel like to pretend that he was happy being human as long as Dean was by his side but in all actuality he was struggling.

In the school of heaven Castiel like all angels had been told of the prophecy, how the righteous man would shed blood in hell, how the apocalypse would begin and the roles the angels would play in bringing about paradise.

Every angel had a job which had been programmed into them like the laws of nature and although Cas was no longer an angel, he still remembered his mission. He wanted to be out there bringing about paradise with the aid of his brothers and sisters. Heaven had closed the doors to humanity, closed the doors to any angel not in heaven. Heaven was in waiting for the perfect time when Michael would take his vessel and destroy the Devil.

Except Michael wouldn't be getting his vessel, Dean had made that explicitly clear, it didn't matter what tokens they offered, the different paths and details they tried to alter to persuade Dean to say yes, they would always end up at the same harsh no.

Adapting to being human and adapting to a hostile lifestyle were tasks far too great for the frail Castiel whose bones protruded through his pale flesh, whose eyes rolled back into his head after three nights with no sleep and no food. Castiel would shiver amongst duvets around a campfire, his thick raven black hair thinned and detached from his scalp with gentle finger movement.

Castiel would crush the pills he found at the retirement home, inhaling the white hills through a hundred dollar bill he'd found in the street. At the end of the day he would put himself to bed with rough sex and a fifth of absinthe.

"We're all depressed Dean the world is ending and we have nothing left." Cas spat as he paced around the cabin "So I'm nothing am I? Cause the last time I checked I'm still here, still fighting to stay alive and save the world." Cas and shot him a look that said that's not what I meant and you know it.

"You used to tell me to have faith and I never wanted to hear it but you made me listen anyway." Dean remained stock still at the opposite end of the room "Have faith Cas."

"I'm trying Dean but you know how hard it is to be human" Cas pinched the bridge of his nose "You used to tell me how the human way was the difficult way, we can't zap here and heal there everything takes time, comprehension and people skills. That was before the apocalypse." Cas closed the gap between them cupping Dean's face "I'm just so useless." Dean shook his head "Being useless is a choice Cas. You can either spend your days getting high or get out there and stop being useless."

Cas detached himself once more "I'm at your side every day, following your lead doing as I'm told. I'm trying not to be useless."

"And without me, you're just a stoner." Dean hissed reaching his breaking point, Cas smiled with a nod "Exactly, Dean." Cas nodded "I'm just a label, a socially constructed label in a land void of society, so what does it matter? I'm here: I'm trying, I'm with you. Once upon a time that was enough and now it isn't and I don't know what else to do, you don't tell me what to do or how to do it. You expect me just to know, like I've got the experience to help me. But Dean I was an angel and we did things a little differently, a lot differently actually and I'm lost and I am scared and I don't know what to do. I'm sorry I'm such a disappointment but this is the apocalypse Dean everything is disappointing and sad and people are developing coping mechanisms which aren't exactly healthy but you and me? We've never been healthy or normal and I don't understand why this is such a big deal to you, that I take the edge of with some pills because it takes the pain away. I'm not meant to be here Dean this isn't my world. You don't help me so I have to help myself." Dean shook his head "That's bullshit Cas, I'm trying to help you but you're the one who keeps shoving it back in my face , you think everything can be solved by you spreading your legs or scarfing pills down your throat and I'm telling you it's not... Damn it Cas, I don't know how to help you, I'm trying."

Cas shrugged "We're going to die anyway... so it doesn't matter." Dean brushed the single tear from his cheek "You know before, when Zachariah sent me to the future and I saw you and how I'd – future me had broken you, I swore I wouldn't let that happen and I asked you not to change and I tried to make it so you wouldn't have to change. I called Sam, we stayed together ... the Leviathan and Abaddon, Metatron and all the bullshit and still I couldn't change it, we ended up here in this fucked up camp, with no Sam and the end of the world, and you Cas, I broke you."

Castiel poured himself some whiskey from Bobby's old flask "You didn't break me Dean I've always been broken: as an angel, as God and now as a human. It's my default setting." He smiled at him "I think it's rather fitting."

Dean couldn't argue with that, he knew all about being broken by default and in a weird way Cas being broken by default made the two of them perfect for each other.

There had been a knock at the door from Chuck; Chase wanted them at the gate.

The two of them left the cabin, Dean watched Castiel pop some pills from a white bottle "What are they?" He asked with a hint of concern in his voice, "I'm not sure; they were in that old woman's room, y'know the one who tried to bite my face off?" Dean sighed and nodded "Just don't start freaking and out on us, last thing we need is you having a crazy episode and getting us all killed." Cas rolled his eyes "I still have a little angel tolerance, Dean – not a lot but some." Dean hadn't stopped Cas from taking the pills or coming on the mission.

Cas started hallucinating, ran towards Croats with open arms, Chase had grabbed him forcing him to run, screaming at him to snap out of it.

Dean had heard the commotion and came to their aid, but it was all in vain. Cas got mad and pushed Chase against a wired fence, the Croats were a few yards ahead "Cas STOP!" Dean yelled.

Cas stormed off infuriated "Don't fucking touch me, you're not Dean!" He yelled at imaginary people as he wondered off.

Chase had darted forward grabbing Dean, forcing him to run in the opposite direction of Cas the Croats were close on their tail, and Dean's heart dropped when he saw the dead end ahead of them.

Chase had hoisted Dean first, Dean teetered at the top leaning down to pull Chase up when the Croats grabbed him, and he'd held his hand as they ripped into him, watched with wide eyes as Chase was devoured as he cried with a blood filled mouth at Dean to run.

Dean sped off to find the others, found Castiel sitting in a tree vomiting bile and crying. The others found him around twenty minutes later cursing at Cas to get out of the tree, that he was an idiot to have let him come on the mission high, that he should have been the one to die not Chase "Castiel you worthless sonofabitch get the fuck out of the tree." Dean threw a rock at him, it hit him on the thigh but Castiel hadn't moved, Risa grabbed Dean's arm "Chase is dead?" she gasped "He got grabbed by the Croats as we were climbing a wall, Cas spooked them- came charging right at us." Dean exhaled heavily "He's high, hallucinating and God knows what else – I shouldn't have let him come, god damn it" The others had helped get him down, the fallen angel passed out on the ride back to camp.

Dean was made camp leader, and Castiel had been banned from scavenging missions.

__

Truth is Dean never liked being a leader.

Dean hated the responsibility, the constant fear of not being good enough, of letting people who trusted him, who loved him down. Being a leader made Dean into something he wasn't, a monster he never wanted to be but somehow always knew he'd become.

Cas knew that Chase's death was on him, but he knew that Dean had claimed the tragedy for himself, still he made sure to punish Cas for his actions.

"Will you ever forgive me?" Cas whispered lying naked next to Dean one night a few months after "I forgive you. I forgave you." Dean mumbled half asleep "I don't feel forgiven." He sighed.

Minutes past before either of them spoke, "It doesn't matter, like you said" He paused to pull up the thin blankets before he continued "We're all going to die, Chase died. God knows whose next... it doesn't matter."

"They trust you to save the world. It sounds like you've given up." Castiel stated, Dean hummed "I'll stop the apocalypse, no doubt in my mind. In my experience you stop one terrifying event just to have another one take up where it left off. I can't save the world." Castiel curled himself around Dean burying his face into his neck and inhaling in his scent "Then why bother?" Cas asks followed by a yawn "To save Sam."

__

Dean stopped holding Cas some weeks later and Castiel found himself in a constant roller coaster of eternal highs and violent come downs.

In the sparse periods Castiel was sober he'd find himself tending to his cannabis allotment, it was a good distance away from the camp in a location where anyone coming looking for him would have to really look and the area surrounding the allotment was fenced off by chicken wire and thick brush.

Crowley came looking for him one Tuesday afternoon; Castiel was watching the bees pollinate flowers.

"My, my; what do we have here?" Crowley said looking Cas up and down with mixed expressions "A hippie - what do you want Crowley?" Crowley shrugged and began to pace the allotment "Apocalypse is a massive pain in my arse, Lucifer's running the show downstairs and-" Castiel interrupted him "All your loyal little minions have abandoned you, my question still stands, what do you want?"

Crowley came to face Cas "I came to check on you two idiots, I expected you to have a plan in action a stop the apocalypse and beat the devil kind of plan but apparently getting your rocks off is more important." Crowley picked a leaf from one of the cannabis plants.

"Dean's trying to find a way... I think it's pointless, but who cares what I think?" Castiel sighed, Crowley gave him a smile that told him he was pathetic "So what you're moping now, just smoking weed and waiting for death?" Cas nodded "I'm human now, death is inevitable." Crowley nodded slowly "There are things you could be doing in the meantime" he stated "Two minds are better than one and all that" Cas just stared off into the distance "Where is Dean anyway?" Cas shrugged "On a mission, fucking half the camp... who knows what the fearless leader gets up to."

Crowley scoffed "The fearless leader? That's an interesting pet name" Cas narrowed his eyes "It's not a pet name, in fact the title is more than fitting. Dean's not who he used to be... he's all gun hoe on saving Sam and stopping the apocalypse." Crowley scoffed once again "Sounds like classic Dean to me, saving little brother Sammy and killing the big bads, how is that different?" Cas got to his feet "Dean has no humanity, there's no second chances or benefit of the doubt, he puts bullets through children and murders outsiders when they ask for help, for food. He just – Bang, blows them away. He's not the Dean we know... the Dean I know."

"And you just lie on your back and take it?" Crowley hisses "I spend a lot of time on my back, yes." Cas reached into his pocket and pops open a bottle of pills, swallows all of them and pulls out Bobby's old flask to wash them down.

"Those happy pills?" Crowley asks cocking one eyebrow "I don't know about happy, but they make my world spin." Moments later Cas feels his knees go week and Crowley finds himself clutching the fallen angel and guiding him to the floor.

"You should stick around" Cas says a tiny bit breathless, he can feel his heart pounding against his rib cage "I don't think the fearless leader would like that." Crowley said looking on into the horizon "The fearless leader doesn't like a lot of things these days; I wouldn't take it to heart." Cas smiles as he feels the pills take full affect "Clearly you take it to heart."

"I love him, it can't be helped." Crowley nodded "Dean's emotionally stunted – it's genetic but you and I both know he feels the same way." Castiel tugged at the lapels of Crowley's overcoat "Zachariah sent Dean to the future in 2009, When Dean returned he said that Lucifer had told him a prophecy. Sam would become the devil and Dean and I would die." Castiel pulled Crowley closer, Crowley stared hard at him, a mixture of shock, fear and curiosity danced across his face as the spaced out Castiel babbled "He told me I'd end up broken, a whore, and a hippie." Castiel chuckled at the last word. "A whore?" Crowley spluttered "I host weekly orgies back at the camp; I'm a guru in the connected experience." Crowley actually laughed out loud at that "Does Dean take part in these...orgies?" Cas sighed lightly "No, he doesn't." Crowley remained silent examining the disappointment on Castiel's face; he was shocked to see the former angel so beaten down and hopeless. "Use me." Cas whispered, Crowley's eyes grew wide in surprise "Use you?" He said elongating every syllable, "I know you've fallen but I didn't think it was to those depths." Cas shrugged against Crowley resting his head against his collar bone as he drew circles into the lapels of his coat "I fucked Meg as an Angel, believe me I didn't have far to fall." Cas's vision had been spinning for some time now, he longed to be touched under the influence of these pills, under the influence of alcohol with his new human life.

"Use me." Castiel said again, this time with more assertion, Crowley tried to speak but his words made no sounds and suddenly he was dragged down with Castiel saddling him, eyes crimson and hair raven.

Crowley lay in the dirt arms splayed, lips parted in shock. It was all he could do but lie there with the skeletal body of the former angel on top of him, wriggling him out of his coat and shirt, the first decibel to emerge from his lips was in the form of a gasp as cold finger tips ran down his chest, Cas grinding softly against him "Castiel." He said gruffly "This isn't- ah- this isn't right." Cas let out a bout of manic laughter "You're a demon. You don't exactly do right." Crowley shook his head, trying to convey the message that he didn't mean it like that "I thought the king of hell would jump at the chance to fuck a former angel of the lord." Crowley grabbed Castiel's hips hesitantly "I'm not the-" Castiel ignored in his protests.

Crowley shook his head "If Dean comes looking..." Cas leaned forward to whisper into the demons ear "I'll give you my soul, just please violate me. Please" Crowley attempted to laugh "You've got no soul to sell." Cas moaned desperately against his neck "Crowley"

Crowley rolled them over pressing Cas into the dirt "Yes" the former angel hissed through his teeth as the demon made scarce of his clothes and got to work desecrating him. Castiel felt his eyes roll back in ecstasy, his world was still spinning and he could feel the bile in his stomach churn.

It wasn't long before Crowley flipped him onto his stomach and ploughed into him, deep and raw "Call me a whore" Castiel gasped extending his arms and gripping at the dirt, Crowley ran his teeth against the nape of Castiel's neck, forcing out a long moan "Such a whore." He breathed.

Castiel gave everything to Crowley; his absence of faith, his love for Dean, his fear of dying alone. He gave it all as he forced Crowley deep inside him, hot tears streaming down his face and demonic cries emanating from his throat.

Crowley came crammed inside Castiel as the former angel panted and begged as he shuddered with nails impaled in the ground. Crowley rolled off him exhaling as the cool wind reached his burning meat suit "Wow." He said with a smile. Cas remained sprawled frontwards against the dirt.

"I should get back." Cas said after some time "The fearless leader may come looking – He'll be pissed." Crowley clicked his fingers and they were both dressed, Cas still had the dirt on his body but he didn't mind. He was on a come down, he felt dirty on the inside and on the out. He just wanted to wash himself down with a lukewarm rag and crawl into bed alongside Dean. Castiel knew that he was more likely to get a cold rag and crawl into an empty bed at this time of day.

"Will you come?" Cas asked making his way down the path "I'd rather eat salt." Crowley said. Castiel chuckled lightly "As you wish."

__

Dean looked for his lover at the bottom of his only whiskey bottle, he wanted Cas it was no secret, but he couldn't allow himself to have him. Dean knew how it would all end.

"Dean." Castiel said in the same old tone, it sent shivers up his spine.

"Castiel, how can I help you?" Dean took a swig from the bottle, the tone of Castiel's voice changed the next time he spoke, the former angel forced a bitter smile across his face "Well, Fearless leader I was hoping you would join me in bed, maybe even fuck me a little" or snuggle, Castiel wanted to add.

"Are you stoned?" Dean asked with contempt "Generally" he answered "Yeah, you're the new Snoop Dogg – well without the rapping." Castiel narrowed his eyes "I don't understand that reference." Dean smiled softly at him; eyes momentarily filled with affection "He smoked a lot of weed." Dean explained "I doubt for the same reasons." Dean nodded "I'll be surprised if he's still alive but if he is he'll no doubt be smoking his way through the apocalypse." Cas looked at the floor "Well if he's lost loved ones the way we have then I don't blame him, even more so if his lover is too distraught by the whole situation to comfort him- In fact I'd understand that perfectly." Dean took another swig from the whiskey "I don't need a guilt trip." He said once the burn subsided.

"I wasn't pursuing one. I just miss you, Dean. Can you blame me?" Castiel scoffed at his own words, of course Dean could blame him- Dean could blame him for everything bad that had happened to him since Castiel pulled him out of hell. "I guess you can." He said softly, turning to walk away.

"Cas." Dean said standing and taking a few steps in Cas's direction, the former angel stopped in his track hesitating briefly before turning to face his estranged lover "I don't want...I don't want to go home tonight. Not alone anyway."

Cas nodded, he wanted to jump up and down in joy but opted to walking as close to Dean as he thought Dean would allow and smiling at the ground like teenage boy.

"I'm surprised you agreed to come back with me, if I'm honest. I've been a dick to you these past few months." Cas knocked his shoulder into Dean's "I'm numb from the pills and I'm way too easy, but I don't care. The apocalypse is terrifying and lonely." Cas announced.

They reached Dean's cabin, it's practically the same as the last time Cas saw it close to barren aside from a bed a simple table and a chair against one wall and a chest of drawers on another.

Cas slipped off his shoes and his shirt, he felt Dean's eyes examining him "What's with the bruises?" Dean asked lighting the oil lamp at the side of his bed "It's a rough life." Cas said sliding into Dean's bed.

"Do we have to fuck tonight?" Dean asked as he snuggled close to Castiel "Am I that disgusting?" Castiel said in a joking tone, Dean kissed his forehead breathing in his sent. Angel or not Castiel still smelled like the air after a thunderstorm "I missed you." He whispered.

__

As expected the peace between Castiel and Dean didn't last.

Risa and the team had traced the colt; Dean was all orders and missions from then on wards. Dean stayed with him though; Dean let him come along on runs. He started trusting him to do basic things. He started to feel useful again.

"You've been laying off the pills lately... and the orgies by the sounds of it." Dean commented one Wednesday "I've got jobs to do a form of purpose." Cas said pouring half a bottle of water down his throat. "I have a plan." Dean said in a matter of fact manner "To kill him – Lucifer." He looked at Cas hard in the face "It'll be over soon." Cas smiled "About time."

__

Crowley met Cas in the allotment the following Friday.

"Care for another around?" Crowley asked watching Cas inhale the plant "Certainly." Castiel said.

"You and Dean haven't made up I take it?" Crowley asked as Cas flicks the blunt off into the shrubs "We're better. He's still the fearless leader." They don't talk about Dean after that; Crowley just pounds Cas senseless whilst the former angel moans not quite in touch with reality as the weed runs through his system.

Crowley was lost amongst the moans, too fixated on Castiel to hear the heavy footsteps of the fearless leader behind him. One minute he was buried inside a fallen angel, the next minute he's laying amongst cannabis plants.

"What the fuck is this?" Dean roars, Cas stares up at him with a face void of emotion "You're fucking Crowley... fucking Crowley." Cas slowly rolls his eyes in Crowley's direction before rolling them back to face Dean "This is the second time." Cas says in a nonchalant tone, Dean looked at Crowley "You don't know how lucky you are. You really don't understand how fortunate you are that I don't have Ruby's knife right now, because if I did I'd be staking you like the blood sucker you are." Crowley fought back an urge to remind Dean he was a demon not a vampire he got to his feet instead. "Didn't realise he was your little bitch." Crowley said dusting himself off with a click of his fingers "Castiel here tells me you haven't been... attentive with his needs." Dean glared at him "Castiel's usually too high to be attended to." Dean spits "Even high Castiel is a hell of a good time." Dean lunges to grab Crowley but he disappears.

"Cas." Dean tries. "You don't get to be angry Dean." Cas said now climbing to his feet to face his estranged lover "Your gone, all the time." Cas says "I'm nothing without you." Dean rolls his eyes "You don't get to be mad, Dean." Cas reminds him "You left us behind. You want to save or-or kill Sam and I get it I do. But you abandoned us in the process, I'm not an angel anymore, I don't have missions to side track me, I don't have you to side track the pain. You have your mission and me? I don't have anything but drugs and passionless sex to keep me going. You don't get to be angry Dean because you broke me."

Dean shakes his head "I didn't ask you to make me your mission, or your friend or your... whatever I was to you. That was all you." Cas sighs "Yes it was. My bad." Cas shrugs on his clothes "Why did you come here Dean? You saw me and Crowley fucking and you could have turned heels and gone back to camp. Instead you interrupted and got mad." Dean glared at the ground "I don't have to explain myself to you." He said before barging past him and stalking his way back to camp.

__

Past Dean arrives on the following Wednesday.

Castiel expected him any day, he wasn't surprised when Dean emerged through the cabin door confused and searching for Castiel.

"Dean." Castiel said "you're from 2009 I'm guessing." Dean shook his head a little confused "2010." He said glancing around "You're having orgies now?" He said with a smirk playing against his lips "Yes" Cas said not sharing his amusement, Dean nodded before clapping his hands together "Well what're you waiting for? Strap on your wings and send me back." Cas smiled "I'd love to, strap on my wings as you say but I'm sorry... no dice." Dean shot a look at him confused. "I'm not an angel anymore Dean. I'm useless."

Dean spent a few moments registering the information "So I'm stuck." Cas nodded "I'm sorry it's not with better company." Cas wondered over to the bed and pulled the basket of pills from underneath. "What the hell are all of them?" Past Dean says with a slight look of horror "Benzodiazepines and Opioids mainly." Cas forces a smile across his face "It's the end of the world Dean, everyone's doing it." The information does nothing to state past Dean's worry, Cas decided to invite him to the orgy instead. Dean declines the offer.

Castiel isn't surprised.

__

The sun is low in the sky the next morning as it rises.

Castiel sits on the steps of his cabin pouring pills into his palm, a handful to make numb. He swallows them dry. The next handful are vitamins they have a flavouring and he chomps into them contently before pouring some more pills into his palms, these ones will make him forget, make him dumb to the world, sure he'll be useless for a couple of hours but it was nothing new. He'd take another handful later; of the good stuff- he'll be flying like before, be happy and confident. Everything he used to be.

Past Dean watched him down the pills as he sauntered towards him "Maybe you shouldn't take so much." He said to which Castiel smiled "Good morning Dean." Dean sat next to him "Tell me Cas, what's this about?" Past Dean was so warm and caring, nothing like the stoic leader of present day.

"The drugs and the orgies" Dean added "And don't say the apocalypse, it's more than that – I know you." Cas smiles at that "Yes you do, rather well actually." Dean cocks his eyebrow but says nothing "It hard being a human. It's hard being alone and watching people suffer; friends, lovers and children ripped from your life in a split second." Cas sighed "It's heart breaking. You saw yourself yesterday, blow that guy away. That was the apocalypse on a good day, believe me."

Dean nodded thoughtfully; the silence between them was comfortable and refreshing on Castiel's part he could sit on the steps with past Dean for eternity if it meant never having to feel the harsh wrath of the fearless leader. "What's the deal with future me and yourself?"

Castiel thought hard about what to say, he didn't want to send Dean running for the hills. Having one Dean avoiding him was enough "The apocalypse is lonely Dean. You find yourself searching for affection in strange places. My strange place was you. It was awkward and weird at times. But there's no one else all we have left is each other." Dean stared hard at Cas, Cas could tell Dean was uncomfortable with the idea of being with him in fact it was entirely possible that this Dean had never thought of Castiel as more than a solider of heaven, perhaps this Dean hadn't experienced the things his Dean had. "I heard talk of a plan, about the colt and the devil." Cas sighed "Sam said yes." Dean nodded slowly, he and future Dean had talked about Sam just yesterday "I know." Cas sparked up a cigarette "Then you know we have to stop him, Dean has to stop him and put an end to it all." Cas took a long drag, Past Dean stared off into the distance "Do you think it will work?" Cas shrugged "It doesn't matter, if Dean says it's time to go out in a blaze of glory, win or lose, so be it. There's nothing to stick around for." Dean couldn't quite look at Cas after that "You just follow his lead and do as he says?" Cas got to his feet and stretched, cigarette balancing on his lips "He's all I've got, so I'm in."

"Hey!" The fearless leader called over "Past me, Chuck wants to go over a few things with you, we move out in a few hours." Dean got up and wondered off towards the cabin where Chuck was waiting for him.

"He doesn't know about the plan then?" Castiel spoke loudly "No, probably shouldn't share too much." Dean called closing the space between them; they stood face to face "You altered somethings. This Dean is from 2010, you came here in-"

"2009 I know..." Cas smiled "This plan isn't going to work is it?" Dean shook his head "No matter what minor details we alter, we'll always end up here." Dean recited "I take it those are Lucifer's words." Dean nodded "We're still going to try though aren't we?" Cas asked flicking the ash of his cigarette onto the ground "Maybe the angels will save them, if we fail." Cas added "Maybe they're just waiting for us to fail out of spite for you saying no." Dean thought about Cas's words and hoped he was right.

"Lucifer will be here tomorrow. We have one last round to make in case we fail... the camp should be stocked up with a couple days supplies at least." Dean said "Would you like me to accompany you?" Cas asked, Dean shook his head.

Cas flicked his cigarette and made to move, Dean stopped him "Can I see you tonight?" he asked "One last time?"

"I want nothing more." Cas said before heading off in the direction of the allotments.

__

The sex is passionate that night; it's a combination of everything.

Love filled kisses trailed along the inner thighs, lustful lip biting. Dean pounds Cas into the squeaky mattress and he moans loudly. Cas drags his nails along Dean's back deeper and deeper each time. There's throat grabbing, Dean growling into Cas's ear how much he hates him, hates what he's become and Cas does the same with legs wrapped around Dean's waist in between cries of ecstasy and sadness.

After shuddering orgasms the two men snuggle close to each other, fingers exploring the other's body for the final time, kisses light.

"I love you" Dean whispers as he closes his eyes, the lull of sleep pulling him in. Cas kisses him a final time "I've always loved you."

__

When the convoy leaves on the Thursday, Cas and past Dean drive together to their final destination.

Cas knows the plan this time around, the fearless leader makes sure. Cas remains at Dean's side when Dean's past self gets angry at the plan, holds him still whilst his fearless leader hits him over the head and he falls unconscious, Cas lays him gently on the ground, he remains by the fearless leaders side and they snake around the back to meet Lucifer face to face.

They hear the gunshots as their team mates enter the meat grinder. Cas drowns it out, he's sober now, sober than he's been in years and he's anxious and frightened. Dean clenches his fists as the number of gunshots depletes.

They march on wards with boots beating on loose gravel and leaves, there's a calm air between the two of them "He's here" Cas says as he feels the hairs on his arms shoot up from the static atmosphere.

Dean says nothing in response; Cas takes the lead using the remnants of his grace to track down Lucifer. "There you are." Lucifer says in a cool tone.

The former angel can't help but feel mesmerised by Lucifer's aura, Cas assumes it something only he can feel, Dean doesn't seem to share his feelings. Instead Dean stares in horror and disbelief, the precious baby brother he sacrificed so much for possessed by the deepest evil.

"Get out of him" Dean sneers. Lucifer just frowns in pseudo sadness. "It must be distressing to see me in this form." He begins, Dean doesn't want to hear anything that comes from his stolen mouth, "I'm not buying it, this sympathy for the devil crap" Dean hisses, Lucifer continues regardless telling them the story of how he fell from grace "That's not how I remember it." Cas says softly "How could you possibly remember Castiel? You've been reset, they tried to make you the perfect soldier" he scoffs "And then they gave up, left you here for dead. I sympathise Castiel, I really do."

In the end the conversation is elaborate and futile.

Dean attacks Lucifer and Lucifer retorts with force no human could withstand. Cas blocks the counterattack with his life, he slams into the ground hitting his head on the stone slabs. He's in so much pain he's paralysed, his vision shakes and his breathing slows.

As his lights go out, the body of Dean comes into focus; he's hovering over him shouting his name with a voice so broken.

The righteous man, he had held his soul as they emerged from perdition, fought by his side against demons, the leviathan and battled his siblings- heaven.

The two of them were nothing but desperate little soldiers trying to make their fathers proud, defending humanity, the divine principles and their dwindling family. In the end they were engulfed in the flames of broken expectations, both failing to live up to their given names. Amongst the ashes would be scorched scars in the fabric of the Earth, a gentle reminder of what was once and what is no longer. Better days would come without them, their efforts a mere milestone in time.

They wouldn't live to see paradise.

The bloodline ends there; in the dirt in the fire, in the familiar stench of hopelessness, two soldiers of heaven would fall. Two souls of warriors would rise, abandon Earth for the first time and settle in the highest of heavens were they would stay, united until the end of time.

Once upon a time, long long ago the righteous man met an angel and together they fought the world, they saved souls from the depraved and innocents from the corrupt divine and in his final moments the angel said to the righteous man "We've been through much together you and I, its only just that in a blaze of glory we should die." And the righteous man touched the forehead of his fallen angel as he left the Earth, the Devil watching- waiting for the righteous man to enter the blaze and try once more to save the day. Saving people, hunting things, the family business, the only way and as the Devil predicted the prophecy came true "It had to be this way, it had to be you."

___


End file.
